Updated: Apr 26
So today is March 31st woot! New Moon energy in the house lol! I just woke up in my hotel room in Arizona. It's been a long road coming. I am so thankful I followed my heart and moved to Phoenix.
This was a necessary move for me. I've been hurt and taken for granted by a toxic family far too long. I knew that moving from California was the best decision for my spiritual growth, self worth, and self acceptance. It's been a strenuous journey accepting my spiritual path as a healer. When you're surrounded by negative external influences who don't encourage you with loving words and wishes, it can be hard to stay in a positive mindset.
Feeling as if your an abomination for being confident in your path can trigger people's darkness. This happens because they either feel insecure with the path they've chosen, or are they are suffering within their own life. For the past few years of living in the presence of family I gave my power away the minute I accepted my family's perception of who I am.
The I am is important for us to evaluate on our own without external validation. Meditation, spending time in nature, and isolation from others who don't support your journey will help you stay present and grounded on your body.
As I write this, fear still lingers in my mind sometimes when I think about the past. I chose myself after setting boundaries with my family. I still haven't grounded myself in my new space because of fear. Last night while trying to sleep, shame and guilt filled my mind throughout the odd hours of the night. These deep perceptions of others created a viewpoint of myself that was not love. I know I deserve to be loved and to feel love. I deserve to be free and live a happy life.
So why do I keep sabotaging my own happiness? I had to detach from my old self. From what felt familiar. Right now, I feel if I showed my truth to the outside world I would not be accepted. To be honest I am tired of being a slave to master mentalities. Especially the master mentality of a negative mind.
It is up to us to create the life we want to live. We clothe ourselves, feed ourselves mentally and physically, and create our own world in our mind. The only person that loves you the right way is you. Love yourself just as God created you to be.
Today I did my first ever vocal lesson with my vocal coach Steve. I was very timid at first to hear my own voice. I was in my car to be allow myself to not be afraid to be expressive of my voice. Using my throat chakra has always been one of my blockages since childhood.
It felt like the more I tried singing and hitting the vocal notes Steve asked me to hit the more I was able to let go of myself feeling small in the world. It was a liberating feeling. From this first vocal lesson I learned I can't control my outcome.
I have to let whatever flows out of me naturally flow out. I just visualized yellow in my third eye so for me that means let the spirit of God flow. Don't limit God's blessings.
There is still more I feel I have to feel and let go of from my past. That is okay. As long as we are on this Earth, we are always learning and shedding our old selves. I love the new person and the old person I used to be. They both serve a purpose for my overall spiritual growth.