Updated: Jun 3
Lately I've felt inspired to create content on my social media about observing dating life choices and relationship red flags. For most people, the warning signs are there when dating, but they choose not to listen to their instincts and what they feel. This oversight comes from the lack of awareness of what they desire in a relationship, and forgetting to set firm boundaries.
When I first started dating, I had no confidence in setting boundaries in choosing the right partner. At 21 years old I dated a guy that treated me like a second choice. On our first date he was late 2 hours late while I waited in a big booth. Patiently I waited for a text or a call that he would be late. Once he arrived, he did not apologize for his tardiness. Instead he gave me an excuse of why he was late. I took no note of it at the time. His actions told me he didn't respect my time and he had no respect for himself. Foolishly I still went through the date and dated this guy for months to come.
As the relationship progressed, he showed he was emotionally unavailable, and he lied about his past relationships. There were times when I would text him, but was ignored. I was so insecure that I was willing to settle for an immature guy who had toxic traits. His toxic traits were mirrors of my own. I thought this guy was the only option I had at dating. Even if I had ideal standards, I set no firm boundaries when dating prospective men. It took me several more failed relationships to see the toxic patterns I had when dating.
It's important to remember that everyone you come in contact with does not deserve unlimited access to you. They deserve an assessment first before you decide they are worth your time. We have to choose who can come into our life and share our love with.
Here are some important questions to ask yourself when dating:
1. Do you feel happy and confident being yourself around this person you're dating?
2. If this person left your life, would you feel whole by yourself?
3. Would this person be someone you can bring around your family and friends?
A daily energy check in with your heart will help you create a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Journaling your thoughts about the person your dating can help you become aware of your patterns (good or bad) and stay in alignment with a potential healthy long term partner.
Patience is key when dating. In hindsight we are dating a reflection of ourselves. The beautiful thing about dating is that you learn what you want and don't want. Remember to have fun learning who you are inside and outside of a relationship.